Sariah

I was reading tonight in 1 Nephi chapter 5. What I always remember about Sariah is how she doubted Lehi, her husband. Verses 2 and 3 use the phrase "complained against" Lehi. That always sounded so negative to me, like Sariah was just a whiner. But something caught my eye this time in verse 1. Upon her sons' safe return Nephi says Lehi was filled with joy, "and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us." I can only imagine how a mother might feel to not know where in the world she was and to not know what the future would hold and to believe that my 4 oldest sons had failed their mission and died. The suffering and fear that she was experiencing is probably something I can't quite fathom. I would probably have reacted the same way she did. Nephi adds in verse 7, "my mother was comforted" because of their safe arrival back to the camp in the wilderness. And now, verse 8,

"And she spake, saying: Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath ^acommanded my husband to ^bflee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could ^caccomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak."

What I believe is that because Sariah suffered the way she did and been brought to such a point of despair that caused her to murmer, when the miracle finally did come, she recognized it and knew that there was only One who could have brought her sons back to her safe and sound. Sariah needed to gain a sure knowledge that she was obeying the Lord and not just her husband, she needed a sure knowledge that the Lord would take care of them during their journey. Like Sariah I come to know and trust in the Lord more completely through the trial of my faith.

Leaving

So this is just a quick thought I had as I was reading Alma 35. Se trata de Alma the younger (when he's older) teaching the Zoramites. Verse 14 says, "And Alma, and Ammon, and their brethren, and also the two sons of Alma returned to the land of Zarahemla, after having been instruments in the hands of God of bringing many of the Zoramites to repentance; and as many as were brought to repentance were driven out of their land". I just thought it was interesting the way that sentence is worded. Any of the Zoramites who repented had to leave their land. And I think leaving probably helped them to have a fresh start somewhere else. Leaving is an important part of repentance. Whether it's figuratively leaving something behind (a bad habit, bad influences) or literally leaving (a bad movie, a bad party). You can't "move on" until you're ready to "leave" some other place.

Carta de Mayordomia

I have been slowly moving into my new house and while unpacking some things I found my "Letter of Stewardship". Basically it's something we do in the Mendoza mission to reflect on our mission, account for the things we have done and learned as well as discuss our future and set goals for the type of people we want to be. I wish I had included more memories from my last area in the letter so I will add them now in a different color font. Here's my Carta...

MY MISSION

What can I say about my mission? I have so many stories to tell my grandchildren.

Doctrines.
I learned so many things. I learned by study but I really grew learning by faith. I learned that faith in God means faith in myself. I can do whatever He wills if I put forth the faith (like sing the alto to "Come Thou Fount"). I struggled and at the same time succeeded throughout my mission to develop hope and patience. They are so connected! I am grateful to Hermana King and Hermana Throup who taught me important lessons and gave me excellent examples about those attributes. I'm learning how to patiently and cheerfully submit to all the will of the Lord. It's the cheerful part that's hard sometimes:) I'll never forget what Elder Turley taught me the week before he died, he said that the general authorities of the church are always talking about "the basics" reading the scriptures and praying EVERY DAY because it's impossible to go inactive with that type of daily constancy. There might be people in church on Sunday who don't do those things, but they may not stay active forever.

Culture.
I had to change a lot of my personal culture and learn to work HARD. I had to find joy in doing the same thing every day, knowing that I was fighting for a greater cause. I recognized how even without the tugs and pulls of worldly media for a year and a half I still had a need to consume. Spending money, buying anything, a piece of gum, oddly made me feel better. Wierd. I love the language; it really does shape the culture like Hermano Ivers says. I love the people, I love the colors of Argentina. I love that they give me candy instead of change, that the people wait 10 minutes in a bank line without getting angry, the expressive hand gestures, the besos, the home remedies for health, the bikes, the noisy motos, the dogs, the sequias, the mullets, the cumbia, zonda winds, chorillero winds, the meat, lampazos, overcrowded buses, crazy bus drivers, the trash baskets...I could go on for a few more pages, but I'll stop here.

Members.
So many of the members have taken me in and to me they are my heroes and my family and my dear friends. The Serra and Arenas families (San Luis), the Lombino family (San Martin), the Gonzalez, Montenegro and Suriano families (to name a few from Lujan) are people that I know will be my friends forever, they have all in very special ways taken care of me. They've been my mothers and fathers and sisters here in Argentina. Hermana Orozco (San Martin) and Hermana Casari (San Luis) are 2 of my Argentine heroes. They are such amazing, constant, steady women. They have both been through so much, but to them their trials are blessings. They continue to develop their talents. Lovely Hermana Buonamico (San Luis) taught me how to be the best wife I can be, no matter what the circumstances. It has been a blessing to be in their homes and love them.

Investigators.
I learned that the work is not about me. I had to overcome silly little fears but in the end witness great blessings like seeing Claudia and Fernando baptized and now so close to being sealed. What if I had never climbed up that green spiral staircase by myself? I realized it's the power of the spirit and the message of the gospel that touched Walter and Natalia so deeply that we seriously didn't do a thing. I learned that it's not what I say but what the spirit says...it's what made Mirtha Benegas finally get baptized after 5 years...it was the power of a humble prayer. I loved looking into their eyes and feeling how much God loved them...especially when they realized it too. They are not my converts, they are children of God who I got to help come unto Christ. I learned my job is just love love them. I've never had to give so much of myself. It was never so hard as it was with Agustin, Liliana (Matias, Emilse) and Luciana but I don't take back spending so much time to help them and how much I cried because I love them.

Companions.
It's been so fun to live and learn and work with 9 very different sister missionaries. They are wonderful friends. I am so glad Hermana Terrazas was patient with me, she showed me how to teach and let me help her--I grew a ton. Hermana Gunderson showed me how to love the mission, I have never laughed or cried more with any other companion. Hermana Casady showed me how to work hard "si o si" and we learned how to share everything. I mention these 3 sisters in particular because of the profound love I feel for them, I never doubted their love for me as they showed me in various ways. I hope that I can make other people feel as wonderful as they made me feel. My final companion was one of those. Hermana Goodwin was so incredibly sincere and I felt so much joy with her in my ultimate transfer.

Advice.
Don't forget that we are only instruments, it's not OUR work. This is the great work of the Lord Jesus Christ and it will not fail, it will triumph. Therefore as instruments and servants in this work, we too will succeed no matter what. Pray for eyes to see the triumphs--they are everywhere.

Testimony.
As a representative of Jesus Christ I testify that His church is again on the earth. I have seen miracles in this work that leave no doubt in my mind that it is His. I know that His atonement is real, it heals, sanctifies and strengthens us. Joseph Smith is the prophet of the restoration. The Book of Mormon is the greatest conversion tool we have, it testifies of Christ and is a treasure and a labor of love. Gordon B. Hinckley is the prophet today, he is God's mouthpiece and I sustain him. Every day of my 18+ months in the mission God has shown me in miraculous and simple ways that He loves His children, he listens when we speak to Him. I know that He loves me. I leave my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

March 2007

Something I read today...

"I fear that some of us understand just enough about the gospel to feel guilty--guilty that we are not measuring up to some undefinable standard--but not enough about the Atonement to feel the peace and strength, the power and mercy, it affords us...It's quite the irony--that the gospel of the great Jehovah, which contains the power to save every human being and to strengthen every soul, is sometimes interpreted in such a way that feelings of inadequacy result." -Sheri Dew

No Doubt About It

I'm just getting into a book by Sheri Dew called No Doubt About It. I really like the way she writes and I thought I would put up a few things she included in the book. The first thing is a quote by Howard W. Hunter, "Whatever Jesus lays his hands upon lives. If Jesus lays his hands upon a marriage, it lives. If he is allowed to lay his hands upon the family, it lives." It's a beautiful quote, but something important about Jesus laying his hands on anything is that He must be allowed to do so. Christ really does heal us, I know that for myself. So why not a family, why not a marriage? If we allow Him to, it is possible.

And now a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, "Jesus Christ is the pivotal figure of our theology and our faith. Every Latter-day Saint has the responsibility to know...with a certainty beyond doubt that Jesus is the resurrected, living Son of the living God." I remember when I was about 15 I realized that if I was going to claim to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I ought to have a testimony of Him whose church it was. There were some things that I already knew by that point---I knew that the Book of Mormon was true, and I felt that the church was true. I suppose I just didn't feel like I really understood that much about Christ and what was so incredibly amazing about Him. Well, I asked God, and of course He gave me an answer when the time was right (a few months later). My testimony of Jesus has had opportunities to be nurtured and continue growing ever since. It says in Doctrine and Covenants that what will separate those who gain exaltation is that they would be valiant in their testimonies of Jesus. I've got to keep working every day at it.

Alma 1

Reading chapter 1 of Alma tonight I read about this guy named Nehor that began to teach the people all sorts of false doctrines. The kind of stuff that people like to hear because it makes life seem easy and without consequences (and we all know life is hard and there are prices to pay--both good and bad). And so in verse 5 it says, "And it came to pass that he did teach these things so much that many did believe on his words, even so many that they began to support him and give him money." I thought to myself, "There you go, telling people what they want to hear for money. Sounds like a lot of churches I have come in contact with." The arguement I heard a lot in Argentina quickly popped into my head that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also requires that it's members pay a tithing. Tithing is the Lord's practice; one that He has used for ages (read all about it in Malachi) to build His kingdom. Now obviously if God wanted to He could make it rain gold and use the money to spread the gospel...but he doesn't. Tithing, therefore, is something God does for us by teaching us the princple of sacrifice more than it is something we do for Him. The interesting thing to note about a church/religious leader accepting money is what they use it for. Reverting back to Nehor in the first chapter of Alma we read that ..."he began to be lifted up in the pride of his heart, and to wear very costly apparel". Can you think of any examples of that in today's world? This is contrasted by the description of the true followers of Christ in that day, "and they did not wear costly apparel, yet they were neat and comely." I think about our day and how we are counseled to dress by a living prophet and apostles. I think about how none of the leaders of the Church come to General Confrence wearing Armani suits yet they are "neat and comely" and dressed appropriately and respectably. No tithing money in the Church of Jesus Christ is ever used to purchase or construct something gaudy or overly extravagant. I think about the beauty and grandeur of LDS chapels and temples and I think of respect and reverence. But then I think of some of the flashy houses I recently saw on CRIBS and I think about how excessive and wasteful people can be with their money. Also in Alma 1 it describes the followers of Christ, "And thus, in their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need." Which is again something that I see reflected in the modern Church.
Bottom line: it's interesting to watch how people manage money given or entrusted to them by others. "By their fruits ye shall know them".

My Steady, Upward Course

Can I tell you what I am grateful for today? Living prophets and apostles. I just finished re-reading a devotional that President Henry B. Eyering gave back in 2001 at BYU-Idaho when I was a student there. I don't recall that devotional perfectly in my mind but I have always remembered that I felt something powerful as he was speaking. I remember that I thought to myself several times, "this is something I need to always remember, something I need to always come back to when life gets hard and I forget my purpose". I was a brand new freshman at that time. Now that I am a recent graduate of BYU-Idaho I read it again and realize how far I have come. I have had SO many experiences since that time that have allowed me to struggle and work hard and develop my character. I felt today that I have (in my own small and simple way) been a part of the prophecy President Eyering made at that time. I know when he gave it I thought, "could he really be talking about me? Will I really make a difference?". I am doing it.

I am doing it. That's something I was reminded by an amazing friend when I was a missionary in Argentina. Life as a missionary gets hard. It's something I'm not sure you can understand unless you have been a missionary yourself. I had been really frustrated for 2 or 3 months which began to affect what I did and in turn I got more and more discouraged until I felt like I couldn't do anything well. I remember I came home with my companion to eat lunch and I had been crying and frustrated. I layed on the bottom bunk bed and sobbed. The other companionship came home for lunch as well, and Hermana Thorup came and sat down next to me. We talked about a lot of things. I listened as she told me what she had learned about hope. I applied it to what I already understood about hope. She then looked at me with a big encouraging smile and said, "Hermana, you're doing it." I don't know why it hit me so powerfully at that time. I could finally breathe again. I knew deep down that I was doing the best I knew how. I had much to improve on, but I was doing it. For me the key to not getting discouraged (and it can happen so easily) is to focus on what I am doing. Whether my efforts are validated by others or not, whether people respond well or badly, I do lot's of things right every day. I do the best I can. And when I screw up I fix it and move on as quickly as I can (no need to dwell or draw out something painful). So today I guess I realize that I have lot's of things I need to fix or be better at, but I AM DOING IT!